I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize