she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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