Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
