Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's never too late to be topless.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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