I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
