Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
