Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
