You smell like a Billy Joel song
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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