she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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