im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
