I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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