Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize