"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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