You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
