He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
