I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
