Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
