So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
