I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who died my cat blue again?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
