im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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