So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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