Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
