I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
