well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
