I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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