a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
