I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
