absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
