remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
