so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
