the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
