you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
