Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize