Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
