Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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