But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
