Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.

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(817): View more from Texas

yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing

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(256): View more from Alabama

from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

(334): View more from Alabama

i do.

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(925): View more from California

I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'

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(315): View more from New York

There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

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(972): View more from Texas

Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?

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(207): View more from Maine

Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.

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(713): View more from Texas

I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.

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(518): View more from New York

Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake

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