I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
