I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The struggles of a small town man whore
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
