We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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