No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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