the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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