I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is the high leading the old right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
