I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
