Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
