Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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