So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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