9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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