i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
