you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
