We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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