You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
