the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
