yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
