On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize