It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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