SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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