Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
