it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
