I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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