she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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