2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
