we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
FUCK WHALES
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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