girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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