I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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