I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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