i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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