so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
