you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize