Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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