Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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