I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
