what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
