So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
