I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
