If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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