I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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