we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
