I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
