Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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