she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize