My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
