i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
