I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
