Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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