The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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