Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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