i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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