just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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