Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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