I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
