my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize