how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
