I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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