my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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