you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
