I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
