I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
