Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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