thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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