Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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