ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
