We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
