Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
