I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize