Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
