Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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