thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
