i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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