if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
