Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
